Thursday, July 01, 2004

How can a human being compare to a God?

What can I say!

It's actually just been a tremendously difficult week. Mostly CP - this whole devotion to God thing - I mean how can a human compare to a God? So I've cried a ton and realized one telling thing - I've shut off emotionally. I don't connect with anyone - my kids, CP, friends, GB, my mom. I know it's hurting my kids the most, they don't understand.

I talk to my friends, I have sex with CP, but I feel nothing. I'm not allowing myself any intimate relationships. I can't even open up a little.

And so all week I've put off listing the positive stuff about my life that my therapist wanted me to list, because I don't want to deal with the good or the bad. I just want to stay even in the space of feeling nothing.

Even thinking about it makes me feel like crying.