Monday, August 22, 2005

Got a visit from the Mormon Bishop

First of all, it's important to clarify that this thing with BS has turned into a big thing. We're only dating each other and we're happy. I know it's crazy and soon, but he's an amazing man and right now, he's just what I want. So I have a boyfriend and I don't want it any other way.

So yesterday, the kids and BS and I went to a movie and then went to his house for a BBQ. Then I took the kids to my place and was getting ready to go out to a comedy club with BS and some other friends when there was a soft knock at the door.

I knew it wasn't BS so I went to the door and opened it and it was the Bishop and his 12 year old son. (Now I should note that I've moved into the same ward - ward: a small geographic area and all the Mormons who live in that area go to church on Sunday at the same time and do activities outside of church together as a group - I've moved in to the same ward CP and I lived in for the first five years of our marriage. I'm sure there are still people in this ward who recognize my name and are thinking...."Yeah, she's back.")

The Bishop shook my hand and introduced himself and asked if they could come in and I said no and stood with the door only part way open. He asked if my husband and kids and I lived there and I said, "I live here with my kids." He said, "but it says that you're married" and showed me the church records he had a copy of that say I'm married. I said that yes, I was technically still married, but that we were almost divorced.

Then he handed me my church records and asked me to verify everything. What freaked me out most was that they had my new home phone number. I've only had the number for about 5 weeks and it's a cell phone number. I don't know where they got it, but damn.....they work fast. I've only been living here for about two and a half months.

So he was asking me if I wanted Visiting Teachers (two women who come to visit me every month) and I said no. Then he asked about Home Teachers (two men who come to visit the family every month) and I said no. He asked if I wanted written correspondence and I said no.

And then I saw BS walking up the stairs to my apartment. Actually, I heard his flip-flops before I saw him and I knew it was going to be good.

But Oh my God. He was wearing shorts, a T-shirt that said "I love Party Girls," sunglasses and a cowboy hat. He had no clue who these people were and could have cared less. He said, "Hey Baby how're doing?" and put his arm around me and gave me a kiss. I said, "Hi, Baby" and he walked right in the apartment.

I looked back at the Bishop and his face got all dark and he simply said, "If you need anything let us know. Have a good evening." And he walked away.

He seemed awfully pissed off. But then again, he did bring his 12 year old son out to meet the inactive Mormons. LOL.

I went in the house, shut the door and started laughing so hard. I couldn't have timed that better if I'd wanted to. The almost divorced inactive mother and her boyfriend flying in the face of Mormon dogma.

It was funny.

So the reason they came to visit me - I'm still a "member of record." Meaning my name is still on the membership rolls of the Mormon church. And that Bishop looked pissed off.

So guess what went in the mail today?

My exit letter to the Mormon church. I don't want to take any chances with being ex-communicated. A lovely little ceremony where a bunch of old men call you to a "court of love" - yeah, right they love you so much they want to kick you out of their church. They call in people (read CP) to testify against you and they asked you all kinds of personal questions about sex and drinking and whatever they want to use against you.

I can just see it now:

Have you had sex with someone other than your husband while you were still married, Ms. Kearn?

Um....yeah....a lot and I'm probably going to go do it again as soon as this is over.

I don't want to be ex-communicated. I want to leave the Mormon church on my own terms, not be kicked out by them. And even though, after everything I've been through with CP and his bullshit about the church and God, I didn't want to give the Mormons any more of my time by writing the letter, I figured it was a good idea after yesterday. I'll say it again, that Bishop looked pissed off.

So here is my letter:

Member Records, LDS Church
50 E North Temple Rm 1372
Salt Lake City, UT

This letter is my formal resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and it is effective immediately. I hereby withdraw my consent to being treated as a member and I withdraw my consent to being subject to church rules, policies, beliefs and discipline. As I am no longer a member, I want my name permanently and completely removed from the membership rolls of the church.

I have given this matter considerable thought. I understand what you consider the 'seriousness' and the 'consequences' of my actions. I am aware that the church handbook says that my resignation "cancels the effects of baptism and confirmation, withdraws the priesthood held by a male member and revokes temple blessings." I also understand that I will be "readmitted to the church by baptism only after a thorough interview".

My parents joined the LDS church when I was five years old and I was an active member for over 20 years. In the last two years I have thoroughly studied the history of the LDS church and the current research about the church and the Book of Mormon. I have studied approved LDS literature, the scriptures and literature from many other sources. I do not make this decision lightly, but only after extensive research. I no longer believe in the truthfulness of the LDS gospel, nor that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. I do not believe that temple ordinances are the only way to enter heaven and dwell in the presence of God and I no longer have a testimony of the Book of Mormon. It is for these reasons, and my own peace of mind, that I have decided to resign from the LDS church.

My resignation should be processed immediately, without any 'waiting periods'. I am not going to be dissuaded and I am not going to change my mind.

I expect this matter to be handled promptly, with respect and with full confidentiality.

After today, the only contact I want from the church is a single letter of confirmation to let me know that I am no longer listed as a member of the church.

(letter copied in part from


Dolores said...

Just happened upon your blog. Thanks for the really interesting insight into the Mormon church (we don't have much of that round here, in the UK)

Well done you, and a great read!

Rory Kearn said...

Thanks Dolores. It is quite an interesting church. So glad I'm out of it and that it's finally official. Well, not really, three months or so to wait for final confirmation and they'll probably visit me a time or two more.


Adult Personals said...

hehehehe good topic, like the site.

sthornhill said...

Thank you for sharing this. I grew up in a community that is 90% LDS. Southwest Wyoming to be exact. I grew up Lutheran and was constantly bombarded by LDS friends and their families to join THE church. I was shunned and felt like an outsider when I didn't. I have done a lot of research on the church and am saddened by all of my friends that are brainwashed to believe their books. It is a wonderfully family oriented religion and I always wanted it to be real... but it is just false. I always looked into it open-minded. I am so glad to hear stories like yours. People that think for themselves. God wants us to have questions and seek answers. Any religion that oppresses its members and bans any questions is scary and shouldn't be trusted. You have given me hope that maybe some of my friends will stand up for themselves and for FACTS. I know that I don't have to earn my way to Heaven. Faith with God is personal. You are accountable for your faith and going to Heaven in the end. Your husband doesn't have the authority to call you to Heaven. Thank you again for sharing. Stand your ground and stay true to those feelings that are telling you "something about this church isn't right."

Alex said...

I'm a convert and I love the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is awesome! Been a member for 3 years now and have seen many a miracle. I was a Catholic most of my life, and jumped around a bit. Nothing comes close; hands down this Church is true. I'll stake my life on it.

I guarantee the chick in this blog will wind up back in the Church within 10 years...GUARANTEED!

Rory Kearn said...

It's been 11 years now since I left the church. You should read more about my feelings about the church before you make 10 year plans for me "dude." This chick is done with the Mormon church. Don't hate it, don't hate the people, but it is definitely not for me. Thanks for reading.

Brian said...

The Mormon religion does not oppress its members nor does it ban questions. The only oppression comes from ones own personal guilt from not keeping the commandments that are known to come from God and God only. Church leaders (Bishops) exist to help those who have a desire to rid themselves of habits or addictions that are contrary to Christ's teachings. Those who do not want help, obviously, are not forced into anything. However, while there is still a glimmer of hope to help that someone who has fallen away from the correct path, the leader will do all that he can to help. It is that simple.

This is what Mormons believe. Visit for any information. Here you can learn about the ACTUAL beliefs of the church, not what Anti-mormons or Ex-Mormons BELIEVE to be true of the church. You can also read the Bible and the Book of Mormon at this site.

1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

2. We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.

3. We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.

5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

6. We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.

7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.

8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.

9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.

10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.

11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

Brian said...
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Jennifer said...

My husband was a member until 18 and he strayed from the church I am not Mormon but have never dissuaded him.....he has had issues and turned to the church for help. They had helped him for a few months with counseling and such and he went in to talk to the bishop last week and the bishop said they would no longer help him and he was no longer welcome. We are both not working so we can't tithe but my in-laws tithe 15-20k a year. The bishop stated that he had not seen my husband in church for about a month and when my husband told him he was going to his parents church the bishop called him a liar. He is also angry that I will not let them baptize our kids. As my husband left the bishop and a couple other men were making fun of him. This is not a very Christian thing to do and Jesus would NEVER have done this. They have turned away and IRAQ vet who truly needs help because they don't want to have to "pay" for him. The other Mormon's in our neighborhood have shunned us as well and our kids and are very hateful towards us. It is what I have said to my husband from the beginning all they are is a money grubbing CULT and this just justifies it!

Brian said...

Money grubbing? It sounds to me that you are the money grubbers. Neither of you are working yet you think you have some sort of entitlement to a church you do not attend. The church helps countless people get back on their feet, but they do not help people who think they have some sort of entitlement from the church when they do not do anything to help themselves both physically and spiritually.

Brian said...

I don't know how to respond to your claims that the Mormon community has rejected you and your husband. If it is true, I can only apologize for the Mormon community. However, I have affiliated with members of the Mormon church my whole life and have never seen poor treatment like this. I have to assume that there is more to the story than you describe here.

Also, if the church gave money to everyone simply looking for a handout, they would be doing the people a HUGE disfavor. The church believes in helping people become SELF-RELIANT and not reliant on any sort of welfare system. Often, the church will give a small amount and expect the person to get back on their own two feet after a time. The church also gives money to those who are ACTIVE members of the church as an incentive for people to pursue spiritual blessings as well as physical blessings

mediocre mormon said...
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mediocre mormon said...

I know this is an old post but I wanted to say well done! I also removed my name from the church and have never felt better!

Rory Kearn said...

Brian, I briefly read through your comments. I remember what the Mormon church believes, so thanks for the recap. I don't know where I mentioned money grubbing, etc, but it seems you either a.) didn't really read through the entire post or b.) you just found a Mormon blog you could use to try and bear your testimony and recite the Article of Faith. Bravo! Either way, yes there is more to the story, and I took down over 200 posts years ago, I'm putting them back up.

Mediocre, yep, it's an old post, but I still follow up on the comments when I can. I've been officially out of the church for about six years and I haven't regretted my choice for one single second. :-)

Brian said...

Rory, I am sorry I should have been more clear who I was responding to. I was only responding to a post made by Jennifer in which she called the church a money grubbing cult.

I was only trying to express the other side of the story...

The Mormon church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does more humanitarian work in the world than just about any other organization in the world. So to call the church a money grubbing cult is absolutely absurd on so many levels.

However, I do realize that no member of the church is perfect and that some sad things do occur at times. The fact that one person may have made a mistake doesn't mean that the teachings of the church are false.

Rory Kearn said...

Thanks, Brian. Your comment makes more sense now. :-)

planetkram said...
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Rebekah R Gilley said...

I, also believe The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the way. I too was raised Catholic and converted to Mormon. I realized i believed more about the Book of Mormon and it all made sense. This woman will regret leaving the Church and believe me she left because its easier to sin.