Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Why, why, why....

doesn't life just settle?

Can anyone answer that?

I got this new job, and in retrospect, my intuition was telling me not to take it, but hell....it was a State job. Good benefits. Cake work.

And now, hindsight is a bitch. An absolute, raving, nasty bitch.

This job has sucked the soul right out of me.

I wake up soooooo early. I take an hour long bus ride each day. I work 8 hours with a one hour lunch. The randomness of Best Buy that I hated has turned into a monotony of apathy that I hate so much more.

I wanted me be home more, have holidays off, take vacations, use my sick time. And instead I am gone 11 hours a day. My kids are running rampant around the house and don't do chores without a fight. My boyfriend can do little but complain that we rarely have sex and I don't like to go out as much as I used to and my only.....

ONLY.....

joy and personal pride comes from beating the xBox 360 game Need For Speed: Carbon. I rule the whole god damn town. ;-) Though I have yet to play online. I'm too chicken shit for that.

Oh, I could say so much more. Because there is good. I can pay my bills and buy my food and even have money saved for Christmas. I have finally put anger and hatred for CP behind me. Though that hasn't stopped me from taking him to court again for contempt. Hopefully he'll get his act together and start to pay down his $45,000 debt to the kids and me.

And I relish my friends and the new television show Heroes. God what a wonder that is!

I promised last time I posted that I would post more often. then I got to work at the State and even on our lunch break we cannot use the internet, nor log in to anything other than our bank account.

And so, weeks....months go by and my time flies, my kids need me and my Baby B works nights now and I wonder....why I was in such a rush to leave Best Buy and take this job that has taken me away from all I love.

I will be back.

I will have a new job in a month.....come hell or high water. And I will have more time.